Thoughts on Christmas

So I thought I would share a little reflection on the Christmas season now that it has passed.  Every year I get struck by Christmas hymns.  I love them.  I love the theology behind them, I love the joy that they bring.  And every year it seems that a different hymn really sticks out in my mind.  This year, that hymn was "O Come O Come Emmanuel," especially the first verse.  The first verse goes like this:

O come, O come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to they, O Israel.

This chorus is just packed with things that just exploded all over the inside of my brain this year.  You can feel the anguish of the first three lines and the joy of the last three.  The author is pleading for Emmanuel, which means God with us, to come.  But just appearing is not enough.  There is a keen awareness of the captive state of the souls of men and this is what I spent a lot of time contemplating of late.

How do you convey the idea of captivity to a people who has never known anything except freedom.  Freedom to do whatever they please.  Want to drive from coast to coast, no problem.  Want to start a business, go for it.  Want to buy something, if you have the money, no one is stopping you.  And that freedom has blinded us to the fact that we are not basically good people.  We are not morally upright.  We are rebels.  We are captives, and more often than not willing captives, to sin and evil.

This is why the saints of old groaned for the coming of the Messiah. This is why Simeon waited in the temple to see the consolation of Israel, the Lord's salvation.  This is why David, Isaiah, and the prophets yearned for more because they knew the Lord was sending his Holy Servant to make atonement, to set things right.  This is the implication of Christmas.  That God became flesh because we could not free ourselves.

what we dedicate our lives to

So today I was reading the Wall Street Journal and they had an almost full page piece on a man named Park Tae-joon.  I had never heard of this man, I bet none of you have either.  Mr. Park, 1927-2011, was a former South Korean army officer who literally built the South Korean steel industry from nothing after the Korean war.  In his final years he led a charitable organization near Seoul and told reporters he lived by a simple motto: "I dedicate my short life to my eternal country."

My first thought was, "How sad."  Here is a guy who thought a country was eternal and that was as high a thing he could devote his life too.  I thought, "Man, this guy died and the minute after his heart stopped beating he realized he wasted his life because his country isn't eternal."  But then I realized that Mr. Park's statement spoke volumes more about our lives than his.  I am at a coach's convention which, professionally, has been invaluable.  But as I look around the room, it is filled with people who will say, "I dedicate my short life to my eternal sport."  Sure, we can dress it up and say we are positively influencing lives (which is true in most cases) or that we are attempting to make life better for some kids (again true in most cases), but at the end of they day, it is still a game.  More than that, at least Mr. Park had the insight to realize that life is short.  Even if I live to be 80 years old, life is incredibly short.  Most of us, by that I mean most Americans, just don't get that.  We think we will live forever, at least we live our lives like we will live forever. 

So what is it that we would say we dedicate our short lives too?  Better yet, what would the way we live say we dedicate our short lives too?

the purpose of pain (and other garbage in life)

What is the purpose of pain and suffering?  Why is that throughout history God's primary means of sanctification is causing his church to go through various trials and tribulations and even crazier commanding those who follow him to rejoice that they are going through them (James 1:2; 1 Pet 1:6-7)? Quite simply there is nothing like trials and tribulations to loosen our grip on this world and cause us to desire Christ more than life itself.  It is easy, especially in America, to say that we love Christ and depend on Him for everything and yet at the same time of an insatiable love for the world.  This form of "Christianity" is found nowhere in scripture or history.  God in his mercy and love allows us to suffer in this world so that we do not cling tightly to it.  For there is nothing in this world that can satisfy that longing in our souls for peace than Jesus Christ.  

We all know it.  Every man and woman born on this earth knows deep down there is something broken.  We turn on the news and see it.  We see the headlines of war, rape, and exploitation and our soul cries out there is something wrong and we long for peace in our hearts.  Yet most men don't think they are part of the problem.  The problem lies outside of themselves.  So men turn to things outside of themselves to try to remedy the problem, and the world is ready and waiting with a whole host of things to try to fill the longing for peace with.  Money, sex, power, humanitarian assistance, philanthropy, you name it, men spend their lives seeking peace for their souls, never stopping to think that the reason they don't have peace is because they are at war with a holy, perfect God.  And yet God, in his infinite mercy and grace, reaches into creation and saves men.  He gives them new hearts, changing their desires from the things of this world to Himself.  Giving them hearts that long for him above everything else.  And then he makes their lives hard and often times down right miserable so that they will never again long for the things of this earth and rather yearn for the day when sin will be no more and they look on the face of Jesus Christ forever more.  And through the trials and pain, there is an unmistakeable, and unexplainable, joy.  Rooted deep in the nature and character of God.  And through this process they are changed more and more into the likeness of Christ.  It is not to say they never sin again, but the temptations of this earth, the desires of the flesh (materialism, sex, power, you name it) hold less and less appeal to them as they see the manifold beauty and perfection of Jesus Christ.

Is your heart's cry to see Jesus Christ because of who he is?  Does our heart cry out with our Christian brothers and sisters throughout history in a love for God for who he is in himself and not for what he does for us?  Do we rejoice in hardship because it loosens our grip on this world and fixes our eyes on Christ?  

Thoughts on Christmas

I think the words of John Owen are more apropos today than ever, but especially as we enter in the Christmas season where bigger and better is the name of the game and more bigger and better equals best.

"God showed his contempt for the world and the things of the world, chiefly by the the life, death and cross of Christ.  What is there in this world that can be loved or desired after the Son of God has lived in it?  He had nowhere to lay his head and ended his life cruelly on the cross.  If there had been anything of real value and worth to man's soul, Jesus would most certainly have enjoyed it.  But he never had more than his daily bread for which he taught us to pray (Matt 6:11).

"When Christ was crucified, the world revealed itself in its true colours for believers to see for all time.  Nor is the world any more beautiful now than it was when it crucified Christ.  the inference and conclusion which Paul drew from this he made clear: 'God forbid', he said, 'that I should glory except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.' (Gal 6:14).  As if he said, 'Since I have believed, since I have fully realised the power and moral excellence of the cross of Christ, I have finished with the world and all that is in it.  The world is like a dead corpse to me and I have no love for it at all.'

"This is the great difference between the promises of the old covenant and the new.  Under the Old Testament, many promises only concerned the things of this world, the things of time and not of eternity, the good things of this world and this life.  But under the New Testament, the promises mostly concerned spiritual and eternal things.  God would not wean the church away from earthly promises until he had sufficiently shown their emptiness, worthlessness, and insufficiency to fully satisfy men's souls.  And this he did by the cross of Christ (2 Cor 4:16-18).

"Why, then, is there so much effort and hard work given to get more of the things of this world?  What is it all for?  Is it to provide for one's family?  Is it to get a name and reputation in the world?  I would never discourage any from working hard in their lawful callings.  But with many, providing for one's family is only an excuse to hide a shameful love for the things of the world." ~John Owen, Spiritual Mindedness

Why, actually I think the better question is how.  How do we as Christian's claim to love and follow Christ and then love so much of the world that literally ripped the flesh off of his bones and then nailed him naked to a tree and scoffed at him for 6 hours while he bled and died?  The Christmas season is the perfect example of this arrogant dichotomy.  Do we even realize or comprehend the level of arrogance and pride it takes to worship Christ by celebrating his birth by chasing after the things of this world?  May our prayer this Christmas be that Christ would have mercy on us by ripping out of our sinful hearts the love for this world and the things of this world that entangles us and that the things of this world would become strangely dim in the light of his glorious face.

Sermon

Got to preach at Westwoods church today... here is the link

More Thoughts on Thanks

As I dove into this study on thanks I was struck by the fact that the word “Thanks” has to a certain degree, begun to lose its meaning.  Not quite to the extent that words “love” and “believe” have been stripped of meaning, but stripped enough that when we use it, often times I’m not sure we are all on the same page.  For instance, and I use this example quite a bit with the word love, but I think it holds true here as well: I am thankful for pie.  I am also thankful for my wife.  If I mean the same thing in those phrases I am going to be looking for a place to sleep tonight that is not my bed.  And it is vital that we understand what is meant by the word because scripture is clear in how it uses the word.  For instance, let’s look at

Ø  At the end of 1 Thessalonians, Paul gives some final instructions to the reader including 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Ø  Twice in Ephesians 5 Paul mentions thankfulness

o   In Ephesians 5:1-4: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.  But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as I proper among saints.  Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.

o   And in Ephesians 5:15-21: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.  And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in he name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Ø  And in Philippians 4:4-7: “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.  Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.  The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Ø  And then there is the letter to the Colossians in which thanksgiving is referred to six times and implied at least one other time.  Here are a few of them,

o   Colossians 2:6-7: “Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.”

o   Colossians 3:15-17: “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.  And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

o   Colossians 4:2: “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.”

While we could camp and spend hours on each of these verses, I think something is glaringly obvious in these passages… An attitude of thanksgiving defines those who belong to Jesus Christ.  I mean look at the 1 Thessalonians passage, the will of God in Christ Jesus for you is that you rejoice always, pray continuously, and give thanks in all circumstances.  And Ephesians 5, throughout the entire chapter, Paul contrasts the attitudes and actions of the immoral, unregenerate people with those whose hearts have been changed and the characteristic which defines those who belong to Jesus Christ is thankfulness.  It would seem from scripture that an attitude of thanksgiving is almost synonymous with being a Christian.  Moreover, scripture defines ungodly men as those who are not thankful.  Look at Romans 1:18-22

Ø  “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.  For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.  For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.  So they are without excuse.  For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling moral man and bird and animals and creeping things.”

So Paul tells us that men who know that God exists but do not honor him or give thanks to him become foolish in their thinking.  Paul also will go on to list lack of thanks as a characteristic of men in the last days in 2 Timothy 3:2.  Thus, thanks, thanksgiving and thankfulness in scripture mean so much more than just gratitude.  It is not just saying thanks for the food.  It is not just saying thank you to your spouse for putting up with garbage.  It is a way of life.  It is an attitude toward life that defines the Christian and dictates how you act and respond in all circumstances of life and it flows out of a heart that has been transformed by seeing the manifold beauty of Jesus Christ.

Now, when I say that thankfulness is more than just mere gratitude and is rather an attitude that defines the believer, we move into a realm that most of us are not comfortable in.  We aren’t comfortable there because most of us are linear people.  We want a checklist of things to do, of things and people to be thankful for, and then we want a list of how to actually express that gratitude.  It would be easy for me to get up here and say, “This week is thanksgiving.  Make sure you are full of gratitude this week.  You can do this by helping your wife do the dishes on Thanksgiving, or taking time before you gorge yourself to thank God for the food.  Or, you can take time after you gorge yourself on food to thank God for the money you are about to waste on Friday.”  And then we could walk out of here feeling good about the fact that this week, we are going to focus on thankfulness and be truly thankful for everything and everyone we have.  But that eventually fails us, doesn’t it?  And it isn’t the type of the thanks that is described in Scripture.

No, thankfulness in scripture, that attitude towards life that defines the follower of Christ, means so much more.  I think there are two things to look at that will help us understand this meaning.  First, and I only put this reason first because it will help us understand the nature of second better, is that the Greek word group that is translated as thank, thanksgiving, be thankful, etc. all share the same root which expresses the feeling of joy.  The word that is used in scripture that we translate as thanks literally means how we express joy.  And this concept shouldn’t be that earth shaking for most of you.  We express ourselves when we take joy in something.  Thanksgiving is a natural expression of the joy we take in people and things.  My example earlier of the pie isn’t too far off.  I am excited about Thursday night because I like pumpkin pie.  I will be expressing my thanks and gratitude to my mother on Thursday night because of the pumpkin pie she will have either made or bought (and mom if you are listening to this podcast later don’t forget the whipped cream). 

But remember, thankfulness is an attitude that defines our life, in all circumstances, good and bad, so our thanks, our joy that is expressed in all circumstances, must be rooted in something other than pie.  And this is the second reason we must look at.  In the New Testament, far and away Paul is the one who uses the words for thanks and thanksgiving the most.  The majority Paul’s uses of the word for thanks, thankfulness, and thanksgiving, are grounded in the nature and character of God, not in God’s stuff.  This is why we are in a realm that is so uncomfortable for us.  Because we are getting to the core of what it is we take our ultimate joy in.  It is easy to be grateful for things that we want.  It is easy to be grateful for people that make us happy.  But in order to give thanks in all circumstances, our thanks has to be rooted in something deeper than a mere gratitude for things we like.  Things and stuff will fail us, and if our thankfulness is not rooted in a deep and unshaking joy in Jesus Christ, then it is impossible to be truly thankful.

So the question then becomes, how do I know whether I am thankful or not?  How we know whether an attitude of thanks defines our lives can be answered in looking at what it is we take our maximum joy in.  Is our thanksgiving an overflow of the joy that we have in Jesus Christ or is it an idol in which we place supreme value on the gift, rather than the giver.

            Jonathan Edwards put it this way: “True gratitude or thankfulness to God for his kindness to us, arises from a foundation laid before, of love to God for what he is in himself; whereas natural gratitude has no such antecedent foundation.  The gracious stirrings of grateful affection to God, for kindness received, always are from a stock of love already in the heart, established in the first place on other ground, on God’s own excellency.”  In other words, true thanksgiving that is pleasing to God is not first and foremost a delight in the things God gives, but rather is rooted in something that was there before God’s stuff, namely delight and joy in the manifold beauty and perfection of God’s character.

            For example, my wife would not be honored in the least if I thanked her often and profusely for all she does for me all the while having no deep and spontaneous regard for her as a person.  No amount of words could make her feel honored if I do not take joy in being around her.  So it is with God.  If our thanks is not founded in the manifold beauty and perfection of God’s character displayed in Jesus Christ, then all of our declarations of thanks are like the thanks of a wife to a husband for the money he gives her to go and have an affair with another man.  Our thanks and gratitude must be an echo of the joy we have in the excellency of God.

      And so our thanks must be an attitude toward life that defines the Christian and dictates how we act and respond in all circumstances of life and it flows out of a heart that has been transformed by seeing the beauty of Jesus Christ.  Indeed, thankfulness is not an optional trait for the Christian.  And yet I fear that we live in quite possibly the most thankless society in history, which should at a minimum cause us to stop and question how it is we consider ourselves the godliest society in history with a straight face.  There are so many things in this world that are vying for our attention that it is little wonder we are so thankless.    In a country where 83% of the citizens consider themselves Christians, we will spend 447.1 Billion dollars between this Friday and Christmas.  And the sad part is that most of that stuff we buy will be in the trash within 1 to 3 years if not sooner, only to be replaced by the next best thing.

Our insatiable love for stuff is destroying our capacity for God.  1 John 2:15-17 is pretty clear when it says, “Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world – the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions – is not from the Father but is from the world.  And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”  Our love for the world and the things in the world are destroying are ability to be thankful, it is destroying our ability for our thanks to be an echo of the joy we have in the excellency of God.

And the only conclusion I can reach when I see so many professing Christians have a deep and abiding love for the world is that we don’t really know who God is.  I fear that too often we do not consider God the ultimate good thing to have.  We do consider God to be the most beautiful thing in the universe.  Not when there are iPads and cars and houses and cameras and whatever else it is we want out there that we think will make us happy and content.  For if we had but a glimpse of the eternal goodness and beauty of Jesus Christ the things of this earth would become strangely dim, and our hearts would sing for in praise and thanksgiving, echoing the joy we have in the manifold beauty and perfection of Jesus Christ.

Thankfulness

So I have been studying the idea of thankfulness for a sermon that I am preaching this weekend at our church.  I have been struck by the fact that when we use the term thanks or thankfulness, we are always using it as a term that expresses gratitude or relief.  However, in the greek language, the word group used for thanks and thankfulness had at its core the meaning of expressing joy.  I think there is a profound difference.  Gratefulness is showing an appreciation for something with a ready expectation of trying to return the favor.  Joy, on the other hand, is a "deep, durable delight in God that ruins you for anything else" (definition given by Sam Storms at the 2010 Desiring God Conference).  

When we view thankfulness as just merely being grateful, it inevitably leads to our thinking we can, and often trying to, repay God.  This belittles His character and grace.  Thankfulness is an expression of the joy that we have in Jesus Christ.  It is an attitude of life, a lifestyle, not merely an action we undertake before as we say grace over a meal. 

I love Jesus but....

So our church has been doing a sermon series on how we mind the gap between what we say we believe and how we actually live.  We have addressed several topics stemming from the statement, "I love God, but...".  It has gotten me thinking how often we do this without realizing it.  I love Jesus, but I have to make a living.  I love Jesus, but I have a family to support.  I love Jesus, but he doesn't realize why I can't do such and such.  I love Jesus, but look at all the good things the world has to offer.  And the reality is, none of the "but" statements above involve something that is inherently evil.  It isn't like we are talking about "I love Jesus but I have an urge to kill someone."  No, these are things that are basic to life and are morally neutral if not morally good.  But we turn them evil when we use them to qualify our love for and devotion to Christ.  This is why John is so adamant in 1 John 2:15 when he says, "Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."  We are so good at making it seem like this verse has nothing to do with the the things of the world we actually love. We are so good at rationalizing and explaining that I need this or that and therefore it isn't love of the world.  

I know the argument back at me on this is, "well we need balance."  I respectfully disagree.  Tell me what is balanced about 1 John 2:15.  Tell me what is balanced about Jesus saying that the amount of devotion he expects from us will, in comparison, make our love for family look like we hate them.  Tell me what is balanced about the Christian experience throughout scripture and throughout history in which men, women, and children, willingly suffer and die for Christ rather than be caught saying, "I love Jesus, but..."  What arrogance we have that we think we are different, that our circumstance is different and thus we play by different rules.  

Hope

"The mystery hidden for ages and generations but no revealed to his saints... Christ in you, the hope of glory." ~Col 1:26-27.

We live in extraordinarily perilous times.  And I do not speak of the rise of Islamic fanaticism, or the rumors of war, or the constantly fluctuating terror threat level.  I speak of perilous times for our souls, especially those who profess to know Jesus Christ.  For we live in a day in age unlike any before us, a day and age in which the world and all of its pleasures have access to our minds on an unprecedented level.  What makes this an existential threat to our souls is that the hearts of men have not changed.  Indeed, our hearts are still endless idol factories and the world a constant supplier.  Like a kid in a candy shop, we find ourselves in a world that, with ever increasing efficiency, provides new ways and means for our hearts and minds to seek comfort and peace.  And to paraphrase C.S. Lewis, we have, in the process, become like little children playing in the mud who turn down and invitation to the beach because we cannot fathom anything better than a mud pit.  

One of the more prominent reasons this is so is because we have lost the grace of hope.  Hope is, to steal a definition from John Owen, "an earnest expectation, arising from faith, trust, and confidence [in God's faithfulness], accompanied with longing desire of one day enjoying the reality hoped for."  When I say we have lost the grace of hope, I mean that rarely, as Christians, do our hopes rise above the next thing the world tells me I need.  Our hope has settled on things of the world rather than on things of God.  It is like hoping for a nice hard cow pie rather than a juicy rib-eye.  The peril is that we don't even realize we are hoping in things that, eternally, are worse than a cow pie.  This is so because a vast majority of people in American claiming to know Christ rarely, if ever, spend time thinking about and meditating on the eternal things hoped for, namely seeing with unveiled eyes the glory of God in Christ Jesus for eternity.  We hope for many things, but rarely things that are unseen.  And yet this is the hope Paul continually speaks of in the New Testament.  There are many reasons for this, but was struck this week that one of the primary ones is that we never think that we will actually die one day.  This world is all we know and we cannot fathom it ending, thus we put our hope in it and what it offers rather than in Christ.  This hit home this week because of two prominent deaths, Dan Wheldon and Muammar Gaddafi.  One was in his thirties and the best at what he did.  The other was a king for over 40 years.  One died in an instant doing what he was great at.  The other was pulled out of a sewer and summarily executed.  Neither, in a million years, ever thought they would die last week, much less die the way they did.  How can we put our hope in something that can, and one day will, be gone in the blink of an eye?  How can you call yourself a Christian if your hope is not set on Christ?

Excuses

Have you ever sat in church listening to a preacher go on about the great faith of the saints of scripture and thought to yourself, "Yeah, but those are Bible characters, the super heroes of faith, I can't be like them spiritually?"  Maybe it's just me, but at times I read about what some of these great men of our faith did, and I think to myself, "that will never happen with me because there is no way I can have the faith that they did."  I read something the other day that completely convicted me of this line of thinking.  Listen to what John Owen has to say about this line of thought:

"So when we are spiritually minded, we shall abound in spiritual thoughts.  Occasional thoughts of spiritual things do not prove we are spiritually minded.  A spiritually minded person abounds in spiritual thoughts.  (And you will say, how do we know that we about in spiritual thoughts?) Read Psalm 119 and examine yourself by that pattern.  Can you truly speak the same words as David, if not with the same degree of zeal, yet with the same sincerity of grace?  You will say, 'But that was David.  We cannot be like him!'  But as far as I know, we must be like him if we mean to come to that place where he is now.  It will ruin our souls if, when we read in Scripture how the saints of God express their experience of faith, love and delight in God and their constant thoughts of God, we excuse ourselves by saying that we were never meant to be like them.  But these were our 'examples' and were written for 'our admonition, on whom the ends of the age have come' (1 Cor 10:11).  If we do not have the same delight in God as they had, the same spiritual mindedness as they, then we can have no evidence that we please God as they did or shall go to that place where they have gone.  The holy men of God, who obtained this testimony, that they pleased God, did not walk before God in a corrupt, earthly manner.  THeir obedience was not half-hearted.  They meditated continually on the law; they thought of God at every moment and their minds were free from other things; they delighted in God and 'followed hard after him'."

 I think often times we fall short of this because when we read scripture, our goal is to be like the men of scripture, not to be like Christ.  We say and think, "I wish I were as Paul, or David, or Samuel, or John."  But this is, at its heart, idolatry.  We are saying we wish we were as other men, rather than pursuing Christ-likeness.  I realize I sound like a repetitive drone, but run hard after Christ.  Desire Him above all else.  Yesterday I did an exercise with one of my classes.  We broke down the day into activities to see how much time they were spending on each one.  Xbox and facebook ruled the day, with several hours allotted to BOTH.  Time spent meditating on the manifold beauty and perfection of Christ through prayer, scripture, and silence: 0-20 minutes.  My challenge to you is to do the same inventory.  How much time a day do you spend on trivial matters such as TV, recreation, movies, video games, social media, etc.  And when you are done with that self-evaluation, try this: for a month, do not spend more time on any of those other things in a day than you do in prayer (dedicated prayer, not prayer in the car), scripture, and meditation on Christ and his glory.

Spiritual-Mindedness

“Spiritual-mindedness, then, is the chief characteristic that distinguishes a believer from all unregenerate people... to be spiritually-minded is to have holy, heavenly, spiritual thoughts.  The regenerate, spiritual heart, like a refreshing spring, pours out a crystal-clear stream of such thoughts… a person who depends on outward pressures and influences to keep up his spiritual thoughts is not spiritually-minded… [for] the mind may be filled with thoughts of spiritual things, but the heart, being unregenerate, has no love or delight in them.” ~John Owen

Throughout scripture, the cry of the heart of those who belonged to God was to see Him.  Their hearts and their minds were continually consumed with Him.  Abraham, Moses, Elijah, all of the angry prophets, the disciples, Paul, and the saints throughout the ages.  The cry of the heart is the same, "Give me Jesus," and the trajectory of life after meeting Christ is the same.  What I mean by that is throughout scripture and history, when a person encounters God, their lives are radically altered (although I think sometimes what we consider radical, the Bible considers normal, but that is a different topic for a different day).  And when I say their lives are altered, I mean they are noticeably different.  They no longer desire things the world chases after.  In fact, they desire things and take joy in things that the world ultimately considers foolish and strange.  They are consumed with spiritual thoughts and their soul delights in and takes joy in thinking about, meditating on, and seeing the glory of Christ displayed.  They long for the day they are set from from sin once and for all and see the glory of Christ with unveiled eye.

And yet so many today are deceived.  John Owen addressed this issue over 300 years ago and if anything it has gotten worse.  Listen to what he said.  

"Many greatly deceive themselves when hearing the word preached.  They agree with the holy truths in their understanding and assent to them as good 'ideas.'  But these truths are not allowed to impress themselves on their consciences nor to judge their present state and condition before God.  They think they believe, but in reality, they do not.  They hear, understand, assent to, and often approve of the things preached, but still they do not believe them so that the truth rules in their hearts.  If they really believed the truth as they say they do then they would judge themselves in the light of it.  They are like a man who looks at himself in the mirror, and then goes away and immediately forgets what he has just seen (James 1:23-24).  They hear the word and agree with it, but their minds are so filled with other interests that they soon forget what they have heard.  Where the love of earthly things wholly rules and dominates the mind; where the mind has an unrestrained love for worldly things, then that mind is unregenerate and unspiritual."

And here is what I mean when I say it has only gotten worse.  Today, we live in the most pandered too and indulged society in history.  For example, I watched the 4th quarter of the Patriots-Cowboys game this afternoon.  In just the 4th quarter there were 32 commercials.  Twice Miller-Lite informed me I would be more of a man if I drank Miller-Lite instead of another beer.  Bud Light told me if I drank their product life would be a party.  Four times Lexus told me why they were awesome and I needed their car.  Three major telecommunication companies (ATT, Sprint, Verizon) told me why they were the best and the other guys weren't.  And then there were all the food commercials, the TV shows that I need to watch on FOX (which apparently all of which are "cannot miss" episodes that will change my life), the other car companies that aren't as cool as Lexus (because Lexus told me 4 times they are the best, so they must be), and three movies that I must see in the next month when they open.  In between all of that I was watching grown men in tights being worshipped as gods, except for Romo, who was getting ripped up one side and down the other on national television.

And that onslaught was just 45 minutes.  What happens if I keep track of that for the entire day and not just TV but what my mind is thinking and desiring?  What happens if you do that?  I would be we spend more time thinking about the world and all it has to offer than Christ.  And this is on my day off... what happens once the work week starts and the stress of life hits like a ton of bricks?  How often do you think about spiritual things, and then, do you need some sort of external stimulus to think about them or do they flow from the heart that has been changed by the Holy Spirit?  It's easy to think about spiritual things when the music of Sunday morning is ringing in your ears (that is, if you like it).  But what about Sunday afternoon?  What about Monday?  Does your day even include time to think about who Christ is and what He has done?  If your mind does not often turn to thoughts of Christ, and even more importantly, if you heart does not take joy in those thoughts, what makes you think you will ever enjoy heaven much less ever see it?

With the kind of onslaught that we face daily from the world, with all of its demands and desires, if we think we are able to stand up against it on our own we are sadly mistaken.  Our flesh is week and unable to stand the test of time against the world.  We must run into Jesus.  We must seek Him.  We must desire Him above all else.  We must cry out to Him and ask Him to give us new hearts that behold that which is spiritual and good and holy and hearts that take joy in those things above all else.  For it is only when we see that which is infinitely good and beautiful will the things the world is continually pumping and throwing at us become strangely dim.

What Do We Think About?

"The one who has seen something of the glory of Christ will count everything else as 'rubbish', that he might know Christ better and see more of his glory (Phil. 3:8-10).  A spiritual sight of Christ will fill the heart with love for him.  So, if any one does not love Christ that person has never seen Christ and does not know him at all.  When we fall in love with someone we often think about them.  So, when we fall in love with Christ we will be constantly thinking about him.  Where a person is not filled with thoughts of Christ, that person only deceives himself if he claims to have received him as Savior." ~John Owen

So I am still on my John Owen kick.  Something about reading the thoughts of a man consumed with a passion for Jesus Christ is refreshing for my soul.  It fills my mind with thoughts about Christ and his glory and makes me long for the day that I see Him in reality, and not, as it were, as a reflection in the mirror (1 Cor 13:12).  Until that day, however, we behold his glory by faith.  And this will lead us into a deeper and deeper desire for Him.  Which leads me to my point: do we think about Him often?  Many people profess great faith, or at least profess to have faith, and yet if we were to keep a moment by moment ledger of what we think about, I think many people would be embarrassed because thoughts about Christ and His glory are not often on our minds.  We live in a world that demands constant attention and we are all to often eager to give it the attention it demands.  What a sorrowful waste of our energy.  Let our minds be renewed day by day with thoughts about Christ and his glory.  And lest you think you know enough about Christ already consider this: scripture presents but a fraction of his glory to our finite minds.  For we will get to spend eternity looking upon and contemplating His glory and still not have enough time to learn and know all there is to His beautiful, glorious nature.  And if you read that last sentence and think to yourself that eternity sounds boring you may need to check what kind of faith you profess to have, because it is not real, saving faith, it is a pseudo-faith that will fail you when you stand before Christ.

The Purpose of Faith

"We are so selfish that we tend not to look any further than our own concerns and interests.  So long as we are pardoned and saved we care little about Christ's interests and concerns.  But this attitude is not born in a true faith in and love for God.  The chief duty of faith and love is to lead us to prefer Christ above ourselves, and his concerns above our own." ~ John Owen

Too often the message of faith in Christ ends with pardon for sins and salvation.  What more is there? is the common question of response when pushed on the matter.  But I think this reveals much about both the gospel that we are preaching and the message people are "receiving."  We tend to think of Christianity as a get out of jail free card rather than a life transforming call.  We see Christianity as a flu shot that inoculates us from hell rather than radical change of heart that will unmistakably and permanently change a person's heart from a rebel set in opposition to God to a saint transformed by the grace of God.  The chief end of faith is not to save a person from hell, but rather to bring a person into the presence of God through Christ and being made into the likeness of Christ.  There is a profound difference.  The former has at its core ourselves.  I don't want to go to hell.  I want to go to heaven.  I want.... I want... I want....  The later has at its core Christ.  Christ changing the heart through faith.  Christ making us into his disciples.  Christ changing the desires of the heart from ourselves to Him.  Christ making much of Himself.  The purpose of faith is to get us off of ourselves and to make us into the likeness of Christ.  This is why throughout history one of Christ's primary tools for making us more like him has been persecution, sickness, and suffering.  For there is nothing like those three to get us to the end of our own rope and depending on Him quickly.

The Briefness of Life

So being sick is never fun.  For the past 10 days I have been battling pneumonia.  I had pneumonia once before, but it was while I was in the hospital recovering from surgery, so I don't think I was capable of discerning what pain was from pneumonia, and what pain was from surgery.  This time, however, there were no such complications and I will not soon forget the misery that is pneumonia.  I have never had such a persistent fever and headache.  Ever.  My fever topped out at 104.3 and my head literally felt like it was going to explode.  Actually, I think I was hoping it would explode to relieve the pressure that was relentlessly beating the inside of my skull.  I had this fever/headache for almost six days.  It has been 10 days since the beginning of symptoms, 4 days since the end of the fever, and I am still not feeling normal. I cannot walk to the top of the stairs without having to take a rest.  I went to the grocery store the other day and then took at 3 hour nap I was so exhausted from the experience.  My brain still feels not quite all there.  In short, I got absolutely leveled by a disease I could neither see nor prevent and it will probably be weeks before I feel "normal" again.

Which means I've had quite a bit of time staring at my ceiling whilst lying on the couch/bed unable and unwilling to move.  There is nothing quite like sickness and disease to remind us that we are small, weak, and horribly fragile beings.  And yet we never seem to ponder these things long, much to our detriment.  These feelings remind us that we are indeed finite, that we do indeed have an end.  I am in no way shape or form in the best physical condition of my life, but I am not a couch potato.  I run regularly, lift occasionally, and generally stay pretty fit.  And yet I am a heartbeat away from my end.  I am a created being, and one day I will wake up not feeling well and it will be my last day on earth.  Sickness should, above all else, remind us of the shortness of life.  That our time here is brief, and that even if we live to be over 100 years old, our lives are still a vapor, a mist, and flash of light in comparison to eternity.  Are we spending that brief time we have been allotted trying to accumulate for ourselves comfort, or are we spending ourselves in order to see Christ be lifted up and made much of in our lives and in the lives of others?  Do we seek to behold His glory by faith or do we disguise our worldliness in religion?

Pneumonia

So, for the first time in a long time, every part of my body EXCEPT my stomach is killing me.   I have had a fever ranging from 100 - 103 (actually saw 104 real quick this morning, but I had just gotten out of the shower and was under a blanket, it rapidly went down).  So, I'm not sure when I will get to post next, but it is amazing how sickness reminds you of your frailty.  It is difficult to think really highly of yourself when you can't move around your own house.  Anyways, prayers would be appreciated, and I will expand on the thought above when I feel like I can put a coherent sentence together.

Beholding Glory

"Having come to the light of the knowledge of the glory of Christ from Scripture or by the preaching of the gospel, let us regard it as our duty to mediate frequently on his glory.  It is the neglect of meditation that keeps so many Christians in a feeble state, regardless of their privileges.  They hear of these things and assent to the truth of them or at least they do not question them.  But they never solemnly meditate on them.  They think that meditation is above their capabilities, or they are totally ignorant of how to go about it, or they are not too concerned about it, or they treat it as fanaticism.  Many cannot meditate because their minds are so cluttered up with earthly things... so many are stranger to this duty because they do not mortify their earthly desires and concerns.

"There are some who profess to be strict, disciplined Christians, but who never put aside time to meditate on the glory of Christ.  Yet they tell us that they desire nothing more than to behold his glory in heaven for ever.  They are being wholly inconsistent.  It is impossible that someone who never meditates with delight on the glory of Christ here in this world, who does not make every effort to behold it by faith as it is revealed in Scripture, should ever have any real gracious desire to behold it in heaven.  It is sad, therefore, that many can find time to think much on earthly, foolish things, but have no heart, no desire to meditate on this glorious object.  What is this faith and love they claim to have? ...

"But we experience the power of his [Christ's] life in us only as our thoughts are filled with him and we continually delight in him.  If, therefore, we would behold the glory of Christ, we must be filled with thoughts of Christ and his glory on all occasions and at all times.  This is the mark of a true Christian." ~John Owen

This sums up why I named the blog what I did.  For beholding Christ's glory is my goal and desire.  Do you think of Christ and his glory often?  Or is he a mere abstract thought, maybe real maybe not, something to believe in as one believes in Santa Clause?  For many professing Christians, I think the later is true.  Christ is not reality but rather a mere abstract, something to give verbal and mental assent to without ever letting deeps thoughts of him crowd our minds too much... after all, there are much more pressing issues and if we meditate on his glory it might interfere with our life.  In this way, many professing Christians today are functional atheists.  Their minds do not often turn to Christ and his glory, and when they do more often than not they treat him as an abstract thought rather than a reality.  Do we not realize that God is not to be trifled with.  He is not some ethereal fairy floating around, he is the Lion of Judah, King of Kings, the Great I AM.  It was he who hung the earth on nothing and created all that is seen a unseen.  Most of us struggle making it to work in the morning without killing ourselves or someone else while talking on our cell phone and driving.  As a civilization, we cannot even get past our own moon [and at this point we can't even get too our moon] and yet we have the audacity to treat God who upholds everything by the power of his word as if he were some inconvenient  entity or worse, some add on to make our lives more comfortable.  Get off yourself for two seconds and begin to meditate on God.  You will soon be struck with a good feeling of smallness as you get a glimpse of his glory.

Owen is correct when he says, and I paraphrase, that a person who is not consumed with Christ on this earth will be ill suited for heaven and more than likely will not see it.  This is what the apostle John is talking about when he says that the love of the world is hatred towards God.  Many of you will say, "I don't love the world more than I love Christ."  However, if we took inventory of our thoughts and actions, I think we would notice a disturbing trend.  We do love the world, and much more deeply than we think.  For we chase after all the world has to offer, and our minds are consumed with thoughts of how to get more of that which we love.  If it is Christ, we think often and always of Christ.  If it is the world (anything other than Christ), we think of it often and always.  Being honest with oneself is the hardest thing in the world to do, but ask God for wisdom and insight and revelation as to what it is you love most and repent and run to Christ for loving this world more than you realized.

Seeing Jesus

"We can now lay down a great foundational truth: One of the greatest privileges the believer has, both in this world and for eternity, is to behold the glory of Christ." ~John Owen

This statement is received with either inexpressible joy or with dull hearted indifference and your reaction matters.  For everyone professes to know Jesus.  But few treasure Him.  Everyone claims Jesus as savior, but cannot express why beyond a desire to avoid hell.  There are a lot of people in hell who, in this life, did not want to be there.  A mere desire to avoid it is little evidence of a changed heart.  In fact, I would go so far to argue that it is a natural reaction had by almost all men.  But a heart that yearns for Jesus is not a natural thing.  Indeed, a heart that is consumed with Him is one of the most unnatural things in the world.  And it is this heart that is indeed preparing for future glory, for our future glory shall consist of seeing and knowing Him as we are known, not by mere faith but with our eyes.  Perhaps this is why scripture speaks of loving the world as being equivalent to hating God.  For how can we profess to love God when we love that which is so adamantly opposed to Him?  And do not fool yourself, there is so much in this world we consider good that is diametrically opposed to Jesus Christ.  It is as AW Tozer said so many years ago, "the flaming desire to throw off everything and put on the nature of Christ is not often found among us."

The Power of Temptation

"A man knows not the pride, fury, madness or a corruption until it meet with a suitable temptation... There are traitors in our hearts, ready to take part to close [consummate] and side with every temptation, and to give up all to them; yea, to solicit and bribe temptations to do the work, as traitors incite an enemy... He that promises himself that the frame of his heart will be the same under a temptation as it is before will be woefully mistaken... Let the wise man answer: 'He that trusts in his own heart is a fool, (for) the heart is deceitful." ~John Owen

It is so easy, in times of close communion with God, to say we shall never be tripped up by temptation or fall into evil.  We hear of those who profess great faith falling into grievous sin and boldly claim (if not out loud at least in our hearts) that we will never fall in such a manner.  So it was with Peter when he was told that he would betray Jesus.  His response was, "Never my Lord."  And I can only imagine that, it being Peter, it was probably said with a bit of emphasis and indignation that anyone would even suggest such a thing.  And yet Peter did indeed deny knowing Jesus in the hour of his temptation.  How often do we fall into the same trap.  When standing on the mountain top we boldly proclaim that we shall never enter into temptation.  We will not be angry, or plot the demise of others, or figure out how to get even, or swindle, or steal, or hate, or lust, or lie, or be prideful.  And yet, these boasts are made in the flesh with a reliance on one's heart, which will surely fail.  We all realize from our life experience that the heart knows not the power of sin until it is meet with temptation, and when this happens, the heart on its own is not strong enough to withstand the onslaught.

Thus Christ's exhortation to watch and pray.  The moment we let our guard down is the moment that our heart betrays us.  And we let our guard down by taking our eyes off of Jesus Christ.  Conversely, one glimpse of Christ and His beauty and His grace frees us and allows us to persevere.  When a pilot is flying bad weather and using only his instruments to navigate, it is easy to become spatially disoriented.  Your inner ear is telling you that you are turning when in fact you are straight and level.  Your senses tell you that you are doing something that is not happening.  One glimpse at the actual horizon, one glimpse of the runway or the ground and all that disappears.  One glimpse of Christ, and all that entangles us loses it's power, but it is only in the power of Christ, and not our own power, that this happens.

Frailty and Ignorance

"The only thing that equals man's frailty is man's ignorance." ~A.W. Tozer

And I think I would add to this that no where is man's ignorance most displayed than in his lack of acknowledgement and awareness of his own frailty.  It is a vicious circle: man is weak, we are, as David said, "but a step away from death" (1 Sam 20:3).  And yet most of us live our lives as if we will never die.  The fact that death is the end of all men rarely enters into our conscious and even more rarely does it impact the way we live.  It is in this ignorance that most men toil away.  We chase after meaningless things, spending entire lifetimes building kingdoms, some large and some small, that will ALL vanish in the blink of an eye.  Seriously, all in the blink of an eye.  One day I will close my eyes and when they open all that will be left is me naked before almighty God.  And this is another point where the ignorance of man is displayed in full.  

My statement that one day we will stand before God is most often met with an attitude of indifference.  And this is the height of man's ignorance.  Men shrug that one day we will stand before God because God is, at best, and ethereal being floating around somewhere who has little to no impact on their lives.  He is, in the words of David Wells, "a weightless entity."  They assume that they will stand before God but who cares, God will accept them, warts and all, because they have learned to accept themselves, warts and all.  This is a dangerous place to be for this is a soul unaware of the rebellion that lives in their heart and the fact that the severity of that rebellion is measured by the worthiness of the one whom they have offended. God is infinitely worthy and thus rebellion against him is infinitely wicked.  And yet in ignorance man continues to rebel because the fact that humans are frail and a step away from being naked before God does not often enter into the minds of men.

Humility

Humility may be one of the most misunderstood virtues around.  I think this is for several reasons, but primarily two.  First, we don't see it demonstrated very often.  And second, it goes against everything we have been taught by American culture from our birth.  We are taught from the time we are young (at least we were) how to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and overcome adversity, wee are taught how to be resilient and self-reliant, we are taught to never back down.  And yet it is this lack of humility that leads to so many issues in life.  For instance, I lack humility and am unable to admit to my wife when I am in error, adding fuel to an already combustible situation.  I lack humility and am unable to take constructive criticism without lashing out and destroying friendships.  I lack humility because I am so caught up in making much of myself that I lose sight of the fact that this world is not about me.  And because too often this world is about me, I get angry and upset with people when they do not make much of me.  This is the root of more dysfunction in our society than anything else.

When we approach life humbly, we have the attitude of Christ.  We humble ourselves under the authority of God and thus are able to make much of Him in others rather than making much of ourselves.  And when we make much of Him in others, we end up treating them as if they were more important than we are.   And here is the great part.  When two people approach a situation in life or each other in humility, both end up getting built up because the other is trying to make much of Christ in them.  However, when only one person does it, that person usually ends up feeling used.  This is when the temptation is to throw our hands in the air and adopt a, "if you can't beat 'em join 'em" philosophy.  Yet it is at these moments that we must remember that our example is Christ, and although there was no deceit found in him, when He was tortured and killed, He did not exercise His divine authority and kill everyone around Him, but He kept entrusting Himself to the One who judges justly.  Which means, there will be times in life when you are used and feel walked over and we must avoid the temptation to set the record (and other people) straight.  It doesn't make it right, but it does make us more like Christ.

Excuses

Lately I have begun to notice a disturbing trend.  It usually occurs in conversations with people regarding holiness and/or sanctification (the process of becoming more like Christ) and it goes something like this.  In the middle of talking about becoming more holy, someone will throw out this little phrase or something like it, "but we are still human and are going to struggle, so you make the best of it."  I understand the sentiment behind this statement.  It is the same sentiment that Paul expounds on in Romans 7, namely that we live in a fallen world and are ourselves still sinful and that sin nature is something we will have to deal with for the rest of our lives.  But more and more that phrase is being used as an excuse or a smokescreen because the fact of the matter is, if we were honest, there is sin we like and cherish, that we treat as a pet, and even though the power to put that sin to death is available through Jesus Christ, we don't really want to.  Sure, we say the right things about hating our sin and trying to battle against it.  But in reality I think many of us hate the way our sin makes us feel, we don't hate our sin.  We wish there was a way to indulge in our sin and and feel good about ourselves doing it.  For if we hated our sin, we would run as fast and as hard as we could into Jesus Christ with the expectation of deliverance from the One who has conquered sin and death.

But all too often when faced with temptation or just the every day workings of life, when confronted with sin, rather than running to Jesus we either succumb immediately or put up a fight based on our own strength (some more vigorous than others) and then succumb.  Either we don't actually believe in Christ's ability to conquer sin, or we are actually in love with the sin, and I think more often than not it is the later. And this is not to say that there is a euphoric place we reach where sin no longer touches us.  In fact, throughout history, the closer people walked with God, the more acutely aware of their sin they became.  And yet in this is where the promises of God become alive and His grace becomes real and His glory shines the brightest.

The Peace of God

So I have been, ever so slowly, working through the writings of John Owen this summer.  There have been numerous times that I find myself reading without comprehending, only to go back and re-read what I missed and be pierced to the heart.  These past few days have been no different as I have wrestled over a grand total of three or four pages.  Part of this, to be fair, is because old English grammar and sentence structure still make my brain hurt.  But primarily I have been struck by Owen's profound insights into peace that is from God and peace that is from man.  For example, today's club over the side of the head was this:

"When peace is spoken, if it be not attended with the detestation and abhorrency of that sin which was the wound and caused the disquietment, this is no peace of God's creating, but of our own purchasing.... Let not the poor soulds that walk in such a path as this, who are more sensible of the trouble of sin than of the pollution of uncleanness that attends it; who address themselves for mercy, yea, to the Lord in Christ they address themselves for mercy, but yet will keep the sweet morsel of their sin under their tongue - let them, I say never think to have true and solid peace."

How often do we cry out to God over our sin, often in the presence of others, only to hold on to that sin in the recesses of our hearts?  Any peace that comes from this is not peace from God.  Indeed, as Owens points out, we are more like those in Psalms 78:35-37, "They remembered that God was their rock, the Most High God their redeemer.  But they flattered him with their mouths; they lied to him with their tongues.  Their heart was not steadfast toward him; they were not faithful to his covenant."  Do we hate our sin?  Is our grief over the consequence of sin, or do is our grief over the moral repulsiveness of our sin that keeps us from sweet communion with the Holy One?  One brings peace that is from God and will turn us from our sin, the other brings a semblance of peace that soothes the wound but does not heal it, and guarantees a return of that sin, more vengeful and harmful than the first occurrence.

Who is in control

How often does God do things out of the ordinary just to prove to us that it is He who is in control, not us? This morning I was reading Jeremiah and in Jeremiah 34 the Lord tells the king of Israel that Babylon is going to level Jerusalem, and the king will be captured.  Now in ancient warfare (and even modern warfare), when the enemy king is captured, he is killed lest he be given the chance to regroup and mount a counter-offensive.  However, the Lord tells the Zedekiah (the king) that he will not be killed, but will die in peace in Babylon.  Why put that in there?  Why mention that?  I think it is because God goes out of His way to make sure everyone knows who is really in control.  For when we lose our confidence in ourselves and our ability to control things, then we run to Him.  Take the earthquakes from the past few days.  Nothing speaks to our inability to control things like terra firma (the solid earth) shaking underneath our feet.  Run to the One who is in control, rest in Him and His ability to bring about His desires.

Grace, the power against Sin

I think grace often gets confused for forgiveness in the modern American mind.  More and more I hear myself and others using the term grace when in reality I think they should use grace, and probably are having in their mind the definition of forgiveness when they use the term grace.  For example, I sin and call out to God for grace what I mean in actuality is that I desire His forgiveness.  We see this in every day life as well.  How often do we ask for grace from people, be it spouses, children, bosses, co-workers, you name it, when in reality we are asking for forgiveness for our foolishness and shortcomings.  Unfortunately, this strips grace of its power in our lives and cheapens the Grace of God to a mere "get out of jail free" card.

Grace is, by definition, the free and unmerited favor of God to those who do not deserve it.  Where we often miss the boat is that we think, either consciously or unconsciously, that we deserve it.  This, I think, is where much of the confusion comes from.  We tend to think God owes us His grace and that His grace is demonstrated to us by His forgiving our sins.  We tend to think of our sins in light of our singular offenses against other people or society, not in regard to our rebellion against God and His holy nature, and thus the whole thing becomes a jumbled, convoluted mess.  And in the process we lose sight of the fact that grace is the primary means God gives us to fight against sin (not our singular offenses, but the wicked nature that causes those singular offenses).

Paul's primary argument in Romans for Christians to live radically changed lives is that we live under the grace of God.  That statement has no effect on a heart that has never actually experienced grace but to the heart that has glimpsed its own wickedness and tasted of the grace of God, that statement causes your heart to leap in humility and joy.  That the holy God of the universe would reveal Himself to sinners is the ultimate grace, and it is that grace that allows the sinner to walk humbly with their God, not relying on their own strength or merit, but on God, and His holy nature, and His ability to call into the darkness and save unto Himself a people who delight in His presence.  The grace of God is so much more than forgiveness.  It is the weapon with which sin's power will ultimately be loosened in the life of the one who chases after Christ.