Self-Esteem

If you were to take just a casual stroll through your local book store, you would find that the self-help/ self-esteem section is by far the largest section of books (this is unfortunately true of most "Christian" bookstores as well).  We live in a society that places premium value on a positive self-esteem.  This is true even in Christian circles where, more often than we care to admit, our worth is based on a positive self-image that we will go to great lengths to cultivate and then protect.  This leads to a whole host of issues.  First, because it is vital that we think of ourselves and be viewed by others as "a good person" we actively seek and destroy any threat to that image.  This leads to the second issue, our positive self-image comes to be based mainly on how hard we work, i.e., how well we keep a set of behavioral modifications.  This inevitably leads to us looking down on those whom we deem to be immoral or lazy, breeding a sense of superiority that is wrong.  This second issue leads to the third, namely that our self-image swings violently between two poles.  When we are able to accomplish the behavioral modifications, we become proud and ungraceful (see issue number two).  When we fail to accomplish the behavioral modifications, we feel insecure and inadequate, which takes us back to the first issue, our need to actively seek out and destroy and  threat to our "good person" image.  This ends in what the aviation industry knows as a graveyard spiral.  The pilot thinks he is flying straight and level but isn't reading his instruments right and is in reality in a downward spiral that ends when he hits the ground.  We have so many "Christians" consumed with keeping this positive self-image that they don't even know they are heading for destruction.  It is what the band Casting Crowns calls "happy plastic people."

Now let's take a look at a Biblical example of self-esteem as a person walks longer and further with Jesus Christ.  The following verses are taken from books written by the apostle Paul.  You know, Paul who wrote most of the New Testament.  Paul who rebuked Peter.  Paul who didn't pray for sick people, he just told them to stop being sick.  That guy.  The first verse is from Paul's first letter (chronologically), 1 Corinthians.

"Last of all, as to one untimely born, He [Jesus] appeared also to me.  For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.  But by the grace of God I am what I am..." 1 Corinthians 15:8-10a

Here Paul refers to himself as the least of the apostles because he did not walk with Jesus while Jesus was on the earth, as the other 11 did.  This is still Paul who wrote most of the New Testament, but he viewed himself as the least of the leaders of the church, a very humble view in light of who he was.  But after a few more years, when he wrote to the church in Ephesus, his view of himself had changed.

"Of this gospel I was made a minister according to the gift of God's grace, which was given me by the working of His power.  To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ..." Ephesians 3:7-8

By the middle of his ministry, Paul viewed himself as the least of all the saints.  Of all the Christians alive, Paul viewed himself as the lowest of them.  Still Paul who wrote most of the New Testament.  Still the guy who saw heaven before he died.  Still the guy who gloried in suffering because it got him more of Jesus.  This is a man who was extraordinarily humble.  But he goes further.  By the end of his ministry, in the second to last letter he wrote (chronologically), 1 Timothy, Paul saw himself this way:

"I thank Him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent.  But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.  The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.  But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost [sinner], Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:12-16

The chief of sinners.  Of all the people who have ever lived, Paul said he was the worst.  This is a very strange progression.  Paul's self image takes the exact opposite trajectory that modern psychology and even most modern preaching, would tell you to take.  Why?

The more Paul walked in the light of Jesus Christ, the more intimate the fellowship with Jesus that Paul enjoyed, the more Paul saw the wickedness and darkness in his own soul.  What Paul was seeing more and more of was his sin nature (we are not sinners because we do certain bad things, we do certain bad things because we are sinners - there is a huge difference, but more on that in future posts).  But guess what else happened as Paul's self image nose dived off a cliff?  He became the author in the New Testament most associated with the doctrine of grace.  Look at each of those verses again.  In each of those, either immediately before or after, Paul is mentioning the grace of God overflowing to him through Jesus Christ. 

We will never understand grace until we understand our sin nature and our absolute inclination to evil.  It's time that we stop thinking so highly of ourselves and draw close to Jesus.  Let the light of His truth expose the darkness and you will find grace so tangible you can taste it.