That Good Small Feeling

So my sister and I went hiking today, we climbed Mt. Lincoln, Mt. Cameron, and made it about 2/3s of the way up Mt. Democrat.  As I stood on top of Mt. Lincoln, looking out at the vast Colorado landscape, I was struck with a feeling of smallness in contrast to the bigness of God.  We hiked a little over 7 miles, gaining close to 3000 feet in elevation and I was exhausted.  Looking out over all that God has made left me standing in awe of Him, His nature, His beauty, His grandeur.  I think too often we lose sight of our smallness.  We have a tendency to think very highly of ourselves, and yet all it takes to remind us that we are not that big of a deal is to stand and behold the magnificence of Him and His work.  Nobody stands on top of a mountain and thinks of themselves as the center of the universe.  We are so finite, I took this picture, and don't even know what was happening on the trail going up the side of the mountain you see, let alone what was happening on the back side of it.  God is so much bigger than we can possibly imagine and His beauty is beyond description.  We would do well to remember that, and along with that an appropriate view of our smallness, more often.

Self-Esteem

If you were to take just a casual stroll through your local book store, you would find that the self-help/ self-esteem section is by far the largest section of books (this is unfortunately true of most "Christian" bookstores as well).  We live in a society that places premium value on a positive self-esteem.  This is true even in Christian circles where, more often than we care to admit, our worth is based on a positive self-image that we will go to great lengths to cultivate and then protect.  This leads to a whole host of issues.  First, because it is vital that we think of ourselves and be viewed by others as "a good person" we actively seek and destroy any threat to that image.  This leads to the second issue, our positive self-image comes to be based mainly on how hard we work, i.e., how well we keep a set of behavioral modifications.  This inevitably leads to us looking down on those whom we deem to be immoral or lazy, breeding a sense of superiority that is wrong.  This second issue leads to the third, namely that our self-image swings violently between two poles.  When we are able to accomplish the behavioral modifications, we become proud and ungraceful (see issue number two).  When we fail to accomplish the behavioral modifications, we feel insecure and inadequate, which takes us back to the first issue, our need to actively seek out and destroy and  threat to our "good person" image.  This ends in what the aviation industry knows as a graveyard spiral.  The pilot thinks he is flying straight and level but isn't reading his instruments right and is in reality in a downward spiral that ends when he hits the ground.  We have so many "Christians" consumed with keeping this positive self-image that they don't even know they are heading for destruction.  It is what the band Casting Crowns calls "happy plastic people."

Now let's take a look at a Biblical example of self-esteem as a person walks longer and further with Jesus Christ.  The following verses are taken from books written by the apostle Paul.  You know, Paul who wrote most of the New Testament.  Paul who rebuked Peter.  Paul who didn't pray for sick people, he just told them to stop being sick.  That guy.  The first verse is from Paul's first letter (chronologically), 1 Corinthians.

"Last of all, as to one untimely born, He [Jesus] appeared also to me.  For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.  But by the grace of God I am what I am..." 1 Corinthians 15:8-10a

Here Paul refers to himself as the least of the apostles because he did not walk with Jesus while Jesus was on the earth, as the other 11 did.  This is still Paul who wrote most of the New Testament, but he viewed himself as the least of the leaders of the church, a very humble view in light of who he was.  But after a few more years, when he wrote to the church in Ephesus, his view of himself had changed.

"Of this gospel I was made a minister according to the gift of God's grace, which was given me by the working of His power.  To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ..." Ephesians 3:7-8

By the middle of his ministry, Paul viewed himself as the least of all the saints.  Of all the Christians alive, Paul viewed himself as the lowest of them.  Still Paul who wrote most of the New Testament.  Still the guy who saw heaven before he died.  Still the guy who gloried in suffering because it got him more of Jesus.  This is a man who was extraordinarily humble.  But he goes further.  By the end of his ministry, in the second to last letter he wrote (chronologically), 1 Timothy, Paul saw himself this way:

"I thank Him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent.  But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.  The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.  But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost [sinner], Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:12-16

The chief of sinners.  Of all the people who have ever lived, Paul said he was the worst.  This is a very strange progression.  Paul's self image takes the exact opposite trajectory that modern psychology and even most modern preaching, would tell you to take.  Why?

The more Paul walked in the light of Jesus Christ, the more intimate the fellowship with Jesus that Paul enjoyed, the more Paul saw the wickedness and darkness in his own soul.  What Paul was seeing more and more of was his sin nature (we are not sinners because we do certain bad things, we do certain bad things because we are sinners - there is a huge difference, but more on that in future posts).  But guess what else happened as Paul's self image nose dived off a cliff?  He became the author in the New Testament most associated with the doctrine of grace.  Look at each of those verses again.  In each of those, either immediately before or after, Paul is mentioning the grace of God overflowing to him through Jesus Christ. 

We will never understand grace until we understand our sin nature and our absolute inclination to evil.  It's time that we stop thinking so highly of ourselves and draw close to Jesus.  Let the light of His truth expose the darkness and you will find grace so tangible you can taste it.

Playground or Battleground?

"[Today] men think of the world not as a battleground, but as a playground.  We are not here to fight; we are here to frolic.  We are not in a foreign land; we are at home.  We are not getting ready to live, but we are already living, and the best we can do is rid ourselves of our inhibitions and our frustrations and live this life to the full.  This, we believe, is a fair summary of the religious philosophy of modern man, openly profess by millions and tacitly held by many more millions who live out that philosophy without having given it verbal expression... The idea that this world is a playground instead of a battleground has now been accepted in practice by the vast majority of Christians.  They might hedge around the question if they were asked bluntly to declare their position, but their conduct gives them away... We languish for men who feel themselves expendable in the warfare of the soul because they have already died to the allurements of this world." ~A.W. Tozer

Do we view the world as a playground or a battleground?  John Piper has asked the same question but referred to it as living with a wartime mentality or a peace time mentality.  And how we answer the question will drastically affect how we live and interact with God and others.  Too often, we as the church, especially in America, view Christianity as a playground toy designed to enhance our experience in life.  Let's be honest, often what we offer the world as Christianity looks nothing like nothing more than a  playground device to better enhance one's experience of the playground.  "Come, accept Jesus, because the slide, swings and teeter-totters are not enough, you need the Jesus jungle gym and then your playground experience will be more fulfilling."  Or, "Come, accept Jesus, because the playground is dangerous, but with Jesus, you can ride slide and the swings without fear of getting hurt, and your teeter-totter emotions will be a bit more stable."  

While the playground analogy is kind of cheeky and funny, the implications of it are sobering.  So many people profess to know Christ and yet look, act, and sound like the world to such a degree that the only thing they can say about Christianity is that it makes life better or happier or takes away fear.  Christianity becomes a ticket to live just like everyone else and just like you always have with the assurance of smoother sailing during this life and the promise of an even more prosperous eternal life (i.e., an eternity of chasing the things of the world we love now but actually attaining them to our hearts content).  Life becomes a cruise while we wait to die (or for Jesus to come back) so we can go to the all inclusive resort.  

Worldliness (the love of the things of the world) is and will be the downfall of many.  Oh that we would not love the world.  Stop chasing after the same things the world chases after and then acting as if you did God a favor by attaining it.  Stop placing supreme value on the things the world values and then putting a spiritual spin on it to ease your conscience.  Stop viewing this world as a mere rest stop on your way to heaven for you are in danger of never seeing heaven.  Repent!  Turn to Jesus and gaze upon His beauty.  That anything in this earth could contend for our affection over and above that of Jesus is evidence of the darkness that dwells in our hearts and our need for even more of Him!  It is little wonder that Jesus tells us that the violent take the kingdom of heaven by force (Matthew 11:12).  Violently press into Jesus until you get more and more of Him!

Running the Race

"We tend to think of Christianity as a painless system by which we can escape the penalty of past sins and attain to heaven at least.  The flaming desire to be rid of every unholy thing and to put on the likeness of Christ at any cost is not often found among us.  We expect to enter the everlasting kingdom of our Father and to sit down around the table with sages, saints, and martyrs; and through the grace of God, maybe we shall, yes maybe we shall.  But for the most of us it could prove at first an embarrassing experience.  Ours might be the silence of the untried soldier in the presence of the battle-hardened heroes who have fought the fight and won the victory and who have the scars to prove that they were present when the battle was joined."  ~A.W. Tozer

No one ever likes the new guy who shows up and thinks he knows it all or who talks and acts as if he were God's gift to all of mankind even though he is barely shaving, especially when that person is acting that way in front of people who have actually been there and done that.  And yet often times isn't that what we are guilty of doing spiritually?  We know the language, we know how to talk the Christian experience fluently and we are immersed in a church culture that flourishes on saying the right things at the right times.  And don't get me wrong, to a certain extent you need to know the language.  But every once in a while you come into contact with a saint who has been there and done that.  A saint who has the scars of deep suffering, a saint who has been sifted and tested to the core and who has, as a result, an unwavering confidence and joy in the person and work of Jesus Christ.  And we fall blessedly silent as no amount of talking can create that sort of authenticity.

This quote of Tozer's has kept me up at night on more than one occasion.  Perhaps it is the military analogy that I resonate with, for I have been in the ready room filled with a bunch of unproven pilots who were, with ever increasing exaggeration, inflating their egos until a proven warrior quietly walked in and all false bravado ceased.  So Tozer's imagery definitely strikes a cord in my soul.  But the reason that this plays over and over in my head is not that I relate with the imagery, but rather that I fear this being true of me (and my generation).  We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1-2) and not just from scriptures.  There are 2000 years of church history, not to mention the Church around the world today, in which men and women consumed with a passion and desire for Jesus Christ have lived and breathed and fought well before laying down their sword and entering the rest of their Father.  I can only imagine the stories told around the table of the Father, stories that elevate and magnify the glory and beauty of Jesus through lives lived in a way that the world found odd and foolish (1 Corinthians 1:26-30).  And I find myself asking, am I running the race well or am I, along with many of my generation who profess to know Christ, in for a rather awkward silence around the table of our Father?

So the question becomes, what does it look like to run the race well?  I have spoken about this with many people smarter than myself, and I will not pretend to be able to give you a formula for what that looks like, but I think there is a general principle that is helpful.  The most popular verse regarding running the race well is probably Hebrews 12:1-2, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [that is, the list of names in Hebrews 11], let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  In a close second, Paul, in his last letter to Timothy, looks back at his life and says, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing" (2 Tim 4:7-8).  There is a common theme in both those verses, and if you grew up in Sunday school you can probably guess the answer.... it's Jesus.  The race that Paul ran was a race that culminated in a love for seeing Jesus.  The race that Hebrews begs us to run is a race that fixes its sights firmly on Jesus.  Do we go through life looking for and doing that which gets us more of Jesus or do we chase after things of the world and try to dress them up as being spiritual?  Do we, despite what random people, friends, and even family think, have a hunger and a thirst for the things of God that the world would see as foolish and silly?  And do we throw off all that hinders us in our pursuit of Him?  I think that too often the answers to these questions are no, or at best qualified (yes, but...).  Which should be causing more of you to lose some sleep.

The Mortification of Sin

"Thoughts are the great purveyors of the soul to bring in provision to satisfy its affections; and if sin remain unmortified in the heart, they must ever and again be making provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.  They must glaze, adorn, and dress the objects of the flesh, and bring them home to give satisfaction; and this they are able to do, in the service of a defiled imagination, beyond all expression... The ambitious man must be studying, and the worldling must be working or contriving, and the sensual [old english meaning perceived by the senses, not necessarily sexual], vain person providing himself for vanity, when they should be engaged in the worship of God... mortification is the soul's vigorous opposition to self." John Owen in The Mortification of Sin in Believers

What is it that we think about?  All too often we cry out to God to deliver us from whatever it is that guilts us so that we can continue living our lives how we want to live them without the guilt associated with our sin.  In this way we are looking for a sin vaccination of sorts.  Just as I would get a typhus vaccination so that I could run around in the jungle without freaking out every time a mosquito landed on my arm, we look to God to give us a lust/envy/gossip/anger/put your sin and vice here vaccination so that I can continue living in that sin without actually "catching it."  Lets face it, more often than not we simply don't like the guilt associated with our sin nature, we don't actually hate our sin nature.  We want God to inoculate us so that we can continue living in the cesspool of our sin without getting infected instead of getting out of the pool.   

Thus Owen's point on our thoughts are quite poignant and relevant.  We think about things that our heart has affection for.  So the question becomes, if we were to keep a logbook of our thoughts, what would it say our heart has affection for?  This, perhaps, is the clearest answer to the question raised in the last post about whether or not we wage war against our sin nature or whether we treat our sin nature like a pet.  Does your soul delight in thoughts about the glory and grandeur of God?  Does our mind continually feed our soul with high and lofty thoughts about His nature and character?  Our thoughts and our hearts are intrinsically linked (Matthew 9:4; Luke 9:47).  To say I love my wife and then to think about another woman betrays the fact that I don't love my wife.  So it is with God.  To say I love Him and yet have my soul not delight in thoughts about Him, or to have my soul delight in thoughts contrary to His nature, speaks volumes.  Perhaps this is why Paul tells the Corinthians that in battle we are to take captive every thought for Christ (2 Cor 10:5) and why Jesus repeatedly goes after the thoughts of the religious leaders of his day (Matthew 9:4; Luke 6:8).

The Pursuit of Holiness

This is the devo I wrote for student leaders at Colorado Christian University based on Chapters 8-10 in Jerry Bridges The Pursuit of Holiness.

Chapters 8-10 in The Pursuit of Holiness may possibly be one of the easiest devotionals to write.  Know what the Bible says, which by necessity means you have to be reading it, studying it, memorizing it and meditating on it, and then obey it unconditionally. This is how you pursue holiness.  Easy enough, right?  Yes, until we take a closer look at how Bridges defines holiness.  “Holiness is not a series of do’s and don’ts, but conformity to the character of God and obedience to the will of God” (p. 68).  It is vital that you understand this or else chapters 8-10 (as well as chapters 11-17) will come across as a list of things you can do to help you not do certain things in order to be “holy” or “spiritual” regardless of whether or not the Holy Spirit has actually changed your heart.  Or put a little more bluntly, you will deceive yourself into thinking you are in Christ because you are able to conform your behavior to a certain acceptable standard when in reality you are just a moral heathen.

Don’t get me wrong, Bridges does a great job of accurately emphasizing the moral responsibility we have to know God and the standard of God’s holiness by knowing the word of God and obeying it.  But I know atheists who know the Bible better than 99% of our campus; they have studied it, memorized it, and meditated on it (as well as just about every other religious book from the Quran to the teachings of Buddha).  So what is the difference?  If you read Bridges carefully, you would have noticed a phrase that kept popping up over and over again: dependence on the Holy Spirit (p 77). This is what keeps everything that Bridges teaches from becoming moral legalism.  Bridges is very upfront from the beginning that this book emphasizes our responsibility in the pursuit of holiness.  And, having read the whole book, the truth is that there is nothing in there that will be contradicted by any CCU policy or teaching.  CCU will rightfully push, and indeed mandate, a certain level of moral character from its students.  But my fear, the thought that literally keeps me up some nights, is that many of you define holiness as what you do and don’t do, rather than as a pursuit of God.  For indeed, holiness does not define God, but rather is defined by God’s character.  If we are to pursue holiness, we are to pursue God.  And as Bridges points out, the differentiator between moral legalism and a pursuit of God is the Holy Spirit.

The question then becomes, what does that look like?  How do you know you are following the good advice given by Bridges out of a desire for God rather than a desire to fix the moral issues that guilt you?  How do we know that we are depending on the Holy Spirit and not just conforming to the conduct expected (don’t break the rules) and encouraged (read your Bible, pray, etc) by the CCU community?  Perhaps the best way to answer these questions is by giving you a definition of holiness that I think is a practical version of Bridges’ definition.  I don’t remember where I heard it, but they defined holiness as being so happy in God that sin has no attraction anymore.  The great men and women of faith throughout scripture and history have been so consumed with knowing and seeing God that any sin in their lives literally burned them up because it came between them and God.  The closer they came to God, the more God revealed their wickedness and the greater God became to them because His grace was and is sufficient to cover the truth of our depravity.  This desire for God, this desire to be holy so that we can enjoy deeper and more meaningful joy in God, can only come from the Holy Spirit and it causes a person to be consumed with getting more of God.  To steal a really lame analogy, it’s like a drug. 

Do you read, study and meditate on scripture to get more of God or just because you know it is the right thing to do?  Do you crave His companionship so much that sin tears you up until you confess and repent?  Do you have a holy hatred for sin and desire to wage war against it or do you treat it like a pet, thinking you can somehow manage it in a controlled environment and do enough things right to be accepted by God?  I am pleading with every one of you with everything that is in me, run hard after Jesus.  Actions flow out of the heart, they do not change the heart.  Run hard after Jesus and be consumed with seeing and savoring the manifold beauty and perfection of Jesus Christ, for nothing can surpass being in His presence.   Puritan theologian John Owen put it this way, “If our future blessedness shall consist in being where He is, and beholding of His glory, what better preparation can there be for it than in a constant previous contemplation of that glory in the revelation that is made in the Gospel, unto this very end that by a view of it we may be gradually transformed into the same glory.”  Or, put another way, we are so obsessively in love with Jesus Christ that we will accept nothing that does not bring us into deeper and more intimate fellowship with Him. This is the goal of our pursuit of holiness.

Blogging

So let's be honest from the get go... this wasn't my idea.  I wrote a devotional for a handful of student leaders that my wife and her best friend read through first.  Upon entering the house after they had read it, I was informed that I needed to start blogging.  I promptly rolled my eyes while they set up the blog.  Blogging to me has always seemed to be the ultimate narcissistic endeavor.  Let me create a venue through which I can inundate the world with my ideas without any actual push back.  However, I will admit that this view is born mostly out of ignorance as I very rarely, if ever, actually read other people's blogs (for same said reason that I never wrote a blog...).  Thus, it rapidly became clear to me that one, not all bloggers live in their mom's basement, and two, blogging is not necessarily a narcissistic endeavor.  So I figured what the heck, let's see if we can some fun.... so here we go, I will post the devo that got this started and we will see where it goes from here...